intentions for finding love in 2018

I was kid-free on New Year’s Eve, so my evening consisted of ice cream, a brownie mug cake, and watching Fifty Shades of Grey. I’ve never read the book and I know the movie itself had horrible reviews, but I was sucked in almost immediately. Who can deny the hotness of Christian Grey in all aspects? Physically attractive, successful, and an alpha male. I finished the movie around midnight, and then immediately had to watch Fifty Shades Darker, which I liked even more.

When XAH and I first separated nearly 2 years ago, dating and a new relationship could not have been further from my mind. At that time, I felt so broken and my self-esteem was shattered. Since then, I put a profile on Tinder, but haven’t been very impressed with the options for men.

Last month, I decided to go also list a profile on Bumble, which is the site that requires the women to make the first move in starting a conversation. I was pleasantly surprised to find better prospects. I made some matches, but did not start any conversations.

As I watched the movies last night, I found myself thinking about finding a man and envisioning myself in a relationship. I think I’m close to being ready to date, but of course, I have a bit of fear. I guess fear of being rejected and fear of putting myself out there. Beside the fact it’s been forever since I dated, I am also very inexperienced when it comes to relationships. I had never had a boyfriend before I met XAH.

So, today I am setting an intention that I will meet a wonderful man in 2018 and will be in a healthy, loving relationship by the end of 2018. My future partner will:

  • Have no children and be content not having children of his own
  • Be a wonderful father figure and welcome my children into his life
  • Not be dependent on alcohol or any other substances!
  • Be at least 6 feet tall
  • Be physically attractive
  • Be successful and financially independent
  • Own his own home
  • Have a close and healthy relationship with his family
  • Take care of his health
  • Have strong social connections with others
  • Be passionate about something outside of work (have hobbies)

In taking steps to find this man, I will spend January and February allowing myself to focus on my business and health and getting those things on track. In March, I will be active in my online dating and will go on a date.

In 2018, this man and I will go on a vacation somewhere warm.

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Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

 

Autobiography in 5 short chapters

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
By Portia Nelson

Chapter I.
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost…I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter II.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter III.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there.
I still fall in…it’s a habit…but my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter IV.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter V.
I walk down another street.

I have never encountered a writing that more closely reflected my life and journey. I am grateful I have reached chapter 5, even though it took me many years. On this first day of 2018, my wish for anyone who is currently living through chapters 1 through 4 is that you find the strength and clarity to get to chapter 5. Happy new year!